Anonymous observation just received over the internet (slightly edited):
A recent report says that the Mozart effect is yet another urban legend. But what if recordings of other composers had been played during the kiddies' developmental time?
LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.
BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks v-e-r-y slowly and repeats himself frequently and at length. Gains reputation for profundity.
WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a egocentric megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.
MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams--at great length and volume--that he's dying.
SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once, in various dialects.
GLASS EFFECT: The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.
BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.
CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds--exactly.
NOTE: A recent survey has determined that the potential for the CAGE EFFECT is preferred by 10 out of 10 classroom teachers.
Perhaps you have an entry for our consideration? Please comment below.