Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Mozart effect with other composers

----------------The Wagner effect? Let's hope not.

Anonymous observation just received over the internet (slightly edited):

A recent report says that the Mozart effect is yet another urban legend. But what if recordings of other composers had been played during the kiddies' developmental time?

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks v-e-r-y slowly and repeats himself frequently and at length. Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a egocentric megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams--at great length and volume--that he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once, in various dialects.

GLASS EFFECT: The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds--exactly.

NOTE: A recent survey has determined that the potential for the CAGE EFFECT is preferred by 10 out of 10 classroom teachers.

Perhaps you have an entry for our consideration? Please comment below.


Unknown said...

The Nancarrow effect: An unexplainable obsession with Mexican food and Player Pianos

Unknown said...

The Oliveras Effect: Deeply listening to radical accordian music

The Feldman Effect: Slows everyone's perception to a maximum of one note per hour. Rothko is favorite visual artist

The Zappa Effect: Death from too much coffee and nonstop composing. Confused Stravinsky with Rock.

Rodney Punt said...

Ben: Good entries! Are you sure you're not related to Shakespeare? Rodney

MB said...

Adams Effect: Child accompanies every sentence with incessant woodblock.

Ades Effect: Child hums instead of speaking normally.

Beethoven Effect: Child stops listening.

Gesualdo Effect: Child will eventually have marital difficulties.

Copland Effect: Child insists on beef for dinner.

Brandt Effect: Child speaks from various locations around room.

Mendelssohn Effect: Child has unhealthy obsession with weddings. *Note: Often confused with similar Pachelbel Effect.

Messiaen Effect: Child speaks in colors, until end of time.

Ravel Effect: Child accompanies all speech with snare drum ostinato.

The Ligeti Effect: Child destined to discover giant monolith on moon.

Daugherty Effect: Child enjoys dressing up like various '60s pop icons.

Lauridsen Effect: Child uses exact same four-word clause in every sentence.

Stockhausen Effect: Child likes to ride in helicopters.

J. S. Bach Effect: Child is completely awesome and without peer! However, this will go relatively unnoticed until close to a century after his/her death...